Have you ever felt drained, confused, or uneasy after spending time with someone? It might be your intuition signaling that you’re dealing with a toxic person.
Perhaps you’ve experienced having that one fake friend who, when things are going well with your life, makes you feel like you’re still not good enough by pointing out your flaws instead of affirming your success (for instance, someone who has a perpetual “crabs in a bucket mentality”).
Navigating relationships can be tricky, but learning to spot the warning signs of a toxic person can save you a lot of heartache and frustration. Recognizing toxic behaviors is essential to maintaining your peace of mind and personal well-being, whether it's a friend, partner, or colleague.
So grab a cup of your favorite beverage, sit back, and let's uncover the 15 tell-tale signs that might indicate you're in the presence of someone toxic.
Empower yourself to take control of your interactions for a healthier, happier life!
What is the impact of toxic people on the rest of us?
Toxic people can have a profound and lasting impact on one's mental and emotional health, extending far beyond the immediate interactions. The constant exposure to negativity and manipulative tactics can lead to chronic anxiety and depression, as these individuals often employ emotional manipulation to keep others under their influence.
Toxic people drain energy like vampires, leaving their victims feeling depleted and unable to cope with daily challenges.
This relationship dynamic gradually erodes self-esteem and self-worth, making it difficult for those affected to trust their judgment.
Toxic people often display grandiosity and intense envy, while their lack of empathy allows them to engage in verbal abuse and psychological manipulation without remorse. These unsettling behaviors can lead to psychological abuse, further complicating one's mental state.
Interacting with toxic individuals can also bring about personality disorders in some cases, as the stress and emotional turmoil they create are deeply damaging.
Ultimately, recognizing these signs is crucial in safeguarding one's mental health from the harmful effects of toxic people.
15 Signs a Person is Toxic to Your Life
1. You or others are blamed for their negative feelings and circumstances.
Toxic people tend to project their feelings of inadequacy or insecurity toward the people closest to them rather than be accountable for these emotions. For example, someone in a bad mood but won’t own their feelings or take responsibility for them may turn to you and say, “You’re sure in a bad mood today,” which will probably leave you confused.
You’ll often find yourself on the defense without really understanding why. You will get accusations or questions that don’t make sense to you or seemingly come out of nowhere.
2. You are wrong and they are right all the time.
When someone in your life does not admit mistakes and insists that you are wrong all the time, you’re likely dealing with a toxic person.
They will go to great extremes to be correct, including changing facts or challenging your memories. Toxic people do not readily admit when they have made a mistake, miscalculated something, or misspoken.
(Learn more about how toxic people poison the well when they want to discredit others.)
3. They disregard your boundaries.
It does not matter if you’ve requested that they stop behaving a certain way—a toxic person will continue to act in a way that violates your wishes. Toxic people will also expect you to come through for them regardless of the time of day and your circumstance. Building a positive, supportive relationship with people who disregard your boundaries and don’t even recognize when they’re walking all over you is almost impossible.
Your personal boundaries are the barriers that you set to separate yourself from the world around you. Your boundaries help define you and ensure that you are protected from people who are hurtful, disrespectful, and invasive. People with healthy boundaries know their limits and can express themselves. However, people with unhealthy boundaries pull on you in aggressive ways and don’t know when to stop.
4. They are habitually dishonest.
Toxic people are known for their constant lies, even about the smallest things. They could exaggerate the facts of a story or truly make something up, a common manipulative tactic used by gaslighters.
They might do it because they have very low self-esteem, and they are trying to give it a boost, or perhaps it’s their way of getting what they want. If a toxic person is telling you an elaborate story, you can typically assume that it is only a half-truth.
5. They don’t apologize.
Even if they are wrong, toxic people will usually not apologize. In instances when toxic people do apologize, it’s usually a calculated move to manipulate you to give them what they want. They always feel like they have to be correct, no matter what, and will change the information to be right or blame other people.
For more tips on dealing with a specific type of toxic person, check out this post on handling ungrateful people.
6. They revel in being victims.
Toxic people love attention seeking behavior where they highlight their victim mentality by using their pathological lies to make others feel sympathy for them.
Their victim status is a manipulative strategy to gain sympathy and attention. Toxic people can always find someone else to blame for their problems. Maybe they missed a deadline because no one reminded them about it, or they are late for work because their spouse didn't set an alarm.
Bad things happen to everyone at some point. However, toxic people are happy to blame everyone else for their problems, including the issues they should take ownership of. But chances are, whatever happens to a toxic person will be someone else’s fault.
7. They are habitually sarcastic.
A little bit of sarcasm here and there can be funny. However, too much sarcasm can hurt people’s feelings and belittle them. Hence, it’s a favorite weapon of toxic people. Sarcasm is rooted in anger, distrust, and weakness.
Toxic people are so used to communicating with sarcasm that they can't see how much damage they're doing. When called out on it, toxic people often respond to the accusation of being hurtful with even more anger. Excessive sarcasm is never a healthy way to communicate with people.
8. They refuse to listen to you.
Toxic people act bored or change the conversation topic when you are talking. However, they expect you to listen to them when they talk. Your talking takes away from any attention that could be on them and puts the focus on you.
Rather than listening to what you have to say to understand you, a toxic person will only think of what they want to say next. They will seem uninterested in what you say and turn the conversation back to themselves instead of trying to understand where you are coming from.
9. They feign concern for your welfare.
Pretending they are concerned about you is a ploy that toxic individuals often use to make you feel like they care about you, especially when you are beginning to sense that something is off.
This false sense of concern can be mistaken for genuine remorse. Still, it is just a calculated attempt to catch you at a weak moment or appeal to your sentimentality. Toxic people will suck you back into the relationship by showing you desirable behaviors as soon as they think you are about to wiggle your way free from their grip.
Remember, you deserve better.
10. They are critical of others.
You will notice that toxic people habitually put others down. If you are with someone constantly speaking poorly about others when those people are not around, chances are that they are doing the same to you.
Toxic people like to harp on the weaknesses that they see in others to boost their own self-esteem. They verbally judge people for superficial things or harp on someone's honest mistake and rarely point out the good in people.
11. They make you feel defensive about your decisions.
Everything you say or do is met with argument, and you wonder if this person is questioning your intelligence. The criticisms and sarcasm directed at you can eventually take their toll and keep you on guard.
You stop feeling like you can be yourself around this person in anticipation of their criticism, and eventually, you find yourself filtering what you say when conversing with a negative person.
12. They are inconsistent in their behavior.
Nothing is stable when you’re with a toxic person. Opinions, preferences, and plans could go one way today and another tomorrow. Often, there isn’t an obvious explanation for the change in attitude—you can tell something isn’t right.
They might be cold or cranky, and when asked if something's wrong, they say “nothing,”—but they’ll add in a sigh or a facial expression to let you know that something is going on. You then probably look for ways to make them happy, which is why toxic people do this.
Toxic people know that decent people will go out of their way to keep the people around them happy. They realize that you are uncomfortable wondering what they're thinking. However, it would be best if you didn't have to constantly guess which version of the person you will be interacting with each day.
For further reading, check out our article about spotting signs people don't like you.
13. They have no interest in what’s important to you.
Instead, they will find out why your good news isn't so great. For example, if you are about to go on a trip to the beach, they might say, “The heat is going to be miserable.” Or, if you just got a promotion at work, they might say, “That's a huge amount of work for such little compensation.”
Talking about the good things happening in your life takes away the spotlight from them, so toxic friends or family members often use fault-finding to make you feel inferior. If you are excited that something unique just happened to you, you are usually better off keeping it to yourself around toxic people.
14. They boast about their achievements.
The need to brag has its roots in deep-seated insecurity. People who feel inferior spend their time overcompensating to make themselves appear superior to others. These uncertain people can only be happy by making others noticeably unhappy. Toxic people often brag to compensate for the shortcomings they desperately hope you will never discover.
They will even take credit for someone else's accomplishments because they need validation to feel like they are better than others. These people who have no sense of self-worth still have an intrinsic need to feel like valuable members of society, and this need can only be met if they project their perceived greatness.
15. They take, take, and take.
As long as you’re able or willing, toxic people will take from you—your time, possessions, attention—without consideration or any thought of returning or giving back what they’ve taken. This is a form of manipulation. When you are with this person, you likely feel like the only one contributing to the relationship. Toxic people send a message that you owe something to them—and chances are, you believe it.
They are even able to take from you or hurt you in some way and then insist they did it all for you. This is especially common in relationships with some differentiation in power, such as in a working relationship.
For example, a supervisor may say, “I’ve left this three months’ worth of filing for you. I figured that you would appreciate the experience of learning how to use the filing cabinets,” or, “I’m hosting a dinner party—why don’t you bring the food? It’ll give you the opportunity to show off your cooking skills.”
Below is an infographic depicting some types of toxic or negative people and quick tips on how to free yourself from their influence.
A Final Word On Signs of Toxic People
Identifying and recognizing a toxic person's warning signs can feel challenging and rewarding, like finally spotting the plot twist in your favorite thriller.
Knowing these signs of toxic people equips you with the superpower to protect your emotional well-being and nurture healthier relationships.
Understanding someone's toxic nature can keep you from engaging in maladaptive coping mechanisms that will cause more trauma in your life.
Remember, everyone deserves to be surrounded by positivity and support, so don’t hesitate to distance yourself from those who bring negativity into your life.
Trust your instincts, set clear boundaries, and cherish those who uplift and inspire you.
See some more posts about toxic people:
- 15 Steps to Stop Being a Toxic Person
- 9 Steps for Finding Peace after a Toxic Relationship
- Toxic Traits List: 31 Warning Signs When Meeting People
- 11 Strategies for Tactfully Leaving a Toxic Work Environment
- 7 Toxic Personality Tests to See If Your Personality Hurts Others
Great guide! I was actually thinking about the other perspective “what if you are the toxic person?” but then I saw the link to that article as well. Nice.
It’s a tricky issue sometimes to realize that some of the people around are toxic as things are not immediately obvious. It helps to practice detaching from the words themselves and being more observant of the motivation behind them, if that makes sense.
Also, I noticed that if you are with the same small group of people all the time it’s also quite hard to just move on. Simply spending time with different people or different groups gives you a good sort of comparison tool and a way out if you are trapped in a toxic group.
Hi,
I love this article. I had to spend a long time around a toxic person and it pushed me in depression and anxiety. I honestly don’t know how I got out of that relationship, but I escaped with very low self-esteem making me believe I was good for nothing and a complete mess.
Thank God I also met people who care for me and love, otherwise, I don’t know where I would be now.
Great article and very informative.
Thanks
I think that there’s really no way around dealing with a toxic person except to cut them out of your life.
You can try to change them for the better but it’s near impossible to change someone if they don’t want to be changed.
Unfortunately, the easiest and best way to deal with a toxic person is to gradually stop talking, hanging out, texting, interacting with them.